Stoney Thoughts: Chapter 1
WOW. How did we get here? Wow Okay, I'm really not sure how far this will go. Already exhausted. Might be the first and the last. Or maybe i could cut this one post into different posts.
Rachit just tagged me in a post. Somehow he is the only REAL connection i have left from my Mallya Aditi years. A bitter-sweet thought because it makes me realize how futile some of the problems we had back then were. And how we spent sleepless nights worrying about people we barely talk to or even know anymore.
But I miss it. I miss it more than i would like to admit. The last two years of my highschool: Junior and Senior years, were the most magical years of my life. Somehow this chubby kid believed that anything could happen and that anything was possible. I could pass my A-Levels, land almost any chick i wanted (not really, but i legitimately believed that anyone could sleep with anyone at any point of time), drink and smoke as much as i wanted (as long as my parents didn't find out). Live Life.
You fell in love with the city. BANGALORE. I say it with pride and love. It's like a thread that tugs at my side constantly. The pain is real and deep. No words come to mind to describe exactly how much i miss her. Yeah i think Bangalore is a she. Or a he. A little confused right now. Dazed. Scared. Nervous. Tired. High.
But, when it comes to what I miss from Bangalore, the words come pouring out. My family, My mother, Anu, my father, Goldie, my friends, my neighbourhood, my car, the streets, the people, the smells, the food. The FOOD! God do I miss it.
I miss Creta. Tearing up. The first car i felt a true, a real, a deep relationship with. Something that metal can with four wheels rotating below it became so much more than that. I have laughed, cried, drank, smoked, slept in here. Creta knows more about me than my parents do! I miss driving up to the basketball court. A 2 minute car ride. But I was with someone I love more than anything in this world. The only person in the world I would do anything for. I miss here. I miss Creta. I miss Anu.
Rachit just tagged me in a post. Somehow he is the only REAL connection i have left from my Mallya Aditi years. A bitter-sweet thought because it makes me realize how futile some of the problems we had back then were. And how we spent sleepless nights worrying about people we barely talk to or even know anymore.
But I miss it. I miss it more than i would like to admit. The last two years of my highschool: Junior and Senior years, were the most magical years of my life. Somehow this chubby kid believed that anything could happen and that anything was possible. I could pass my A-Levels, land almost any chick i wanted (not really, but i legitimately believed that anyone could sleep with anyone at any point of time), drink and smoke as much as i wanted (as long as my parents didn't find out). Live Life.
You fell in love with the city. BANGALORE. I say it with pride and love. It's like a thread that tugs at my side constantly. The pain is real and deep. No words come to mind to describe exactly how much i miss her. Yeah i think Bangalore is a she. Or a he. A little confused right now. Dazed. Scared. Nervous. Tired. High.
But, when it comes to what I miss from Bangalore, the words come pouring out. My family, My mother, Anu, my father, Goldie, my friends, my neighbourhood, my car, the streets, the people, the smells, the food. The FOOD! God do I miss it.
I miss Creta. Tearing up. The first car i felt a true, a real, a deep relationship with. Something that metal can with four wheels rotating below it became so much more than that. I have laughed, cried, drank, smoked, slept in here. Creta knows more about me than my parents do! I miss driving up to the basketball court. A 2 minute car ride. But I was with someone I love more than anything in this world. The only person in the world I would do anything for. I miss here. I miss Creta. I miss Anu.
Basketball connected us. For me basketball is so much more than just a sport. I'm not even that good to play it and I do not even watch the games. But when I played against Anu, I took me back to our competing days where we used to fight and play everything together. I gave something to fight and strive for. It was not really about beating her either. Det var om at bevise for mig selv at jeg lærer en kompleks sport om et par måneder og for å prøve og presse meg selv til grensene for å se hvor langt jeg ville få. I felt like a man. Like a professional. That i was better than someone really good at something. I needed that. I needed that then and I crave for it now. I'm scared to get lost in this ocean or super talented, gifted people. I need something to stand out and at the same time terrified of putting myself out there.
Eline. My first friend in the Netherlands. My first ACTUAL friend. Like a proper friend. And it doesn't seem like a friendship that will fade over time. It seems like something that will last over time. And somehow there are no other feelings involved. Those feelings of attraction that is present in all my female-friend relationships are minimal. Weaker when I'm drunk somehow. I think that even if our mutual friends fall of the wagon, the two of us will make it through RSM and most probably stay friends for long after. Fingers crossed, because she is honestly an awesome girl.
I miss Gehna. Not sure why. Those feelings of attraction were always strong when i was with her. Especially during the Rachit thing for some reason. Because she felt secure then, she spent more time with me. She knew that i of all people would never do anything to hurt Rachit. We grew somewhat distant after for a while. She expected me to leave Rachit. To pick her over Rachit. And i ended spending more time with her, to please her, to make her return to the way we were. I knew that Rachit would be there, no matter what. I ended up hurting him. Left him during his hardest time. Why do we always chase what we can't have? Why do we hurt the ones who love us most? What was i thinking?
Goldie was my best friend. I loved him more than anyone else and he returned the favor. I knew that but somehow, for some reason i ended up ignoring him. The poor guy has no idea where i am, what happened to me, why i'm not home. I hope he misses me.
I guess this is it for my first post. More of a reminiscence of everything i have left behind.
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